You Are Beautiful, Day 11

What is beauty?  I’m pretty sure it doesn’t include two stainless steel rods and 24 screws.  Then again, maybe it does.

About 28 years ago, I was diagnosed with scoliosis—the lateral curve of the spine.  Mostly folks have a nominal curve, less than five degrees, so at seven degrees, mine was innocent enough.  Fast forward three years later and it had jumped into the twenties.  For five and a half years I wore a back brace.  Granted it was below my clothes, but I jumped eight pant sizes, three shirt sizes and an entire lifetime of self-esteem washed away.  I felt the biggest ugly duckling there was.

Prom? No date.  Homecoming? Went with my best friend from church.  School dances?  Avoided them like the plague.  There was only one place where my heart felt at peace—church.  To Him I was a masterpiece.  To everyone else, I was the poor girl who wore a back brace because something was wrong with her.  Jump ahead three kids and fifteen years later and it hovered right at 65 degrees.  I had corrective surgery, hence all that stainless steel hardware, and yet I still struggled with beauty.  It wasn’t until our fifth child was born and underwent an emergency life-saving surgery (well, five surgeries actually) and I saw his scars, and mine, in a whole new light.

You see, we all have scars—physical or otherwise—where we doubt the love of God.  Am I pretty enough, tall enough, smart enough or worthy enough of someone else’s love?  As my hands brush over the scars on my son’s belly and as I glance at my own, I am reminded of the beauty of each scar.  For it was through them that I came to know the love of God.  He held me when no physical hand could keep me steady.  He wiped the tears away when no other even knew they were there.  He carried me when I was knocked unconscious.

Don’t you see?  God’s love transcends the scars and insecurities our human eyes see.  May each of your scars be a reminder of the most important feature you possess, His unfailing love.

Kathryn is the mother of five, ages 11 to 2, and can be found at Team Whitaker, where she blogs about what she knows:  carpool, big families, faith, her beloved Aggies, prematurity and sanity checks with her husband.

(http://teamwhitaker.org)