Harassment, Modesty, and Dancing- Oh My!

Today's post comes to you in three parts: harassment and objectification, modesty and culpability, and dancing and situational propriety. I know that spring and summer are prime time for all of the Super Sanctimonious Christian Modesty Posts, and yes, I am hopping on the bandwagon. But this time I've given a little more thought than usual to the topics I'm going to discuss. I have begun, of late, to think about various things more complexly, as an author I like is fond of saying. It's still quite new to me and I have a long way to go, and I'm hoping that when I return to posting here more often, if in fact I do that, I will not continue to echo the immature and self-righteous tone which I have occasionally taken in the past. This post will be my first chance to correct that, so if you read my blog, thank you for sticking around, bear with me while I get the hang of this, and please, please comment to let me know what you think. Part of this new "thinking complexly" thing is actually desiring to hear and consider the opinions of others, and I want to hear and consider yours.

First things first, I would like to discuss street harassment and the objectification of others. Defining my terms, street harassment is when a person in some public venue makes an unwanted gesture, comment, or other kind of sexual advance toward another person. This has happened to me quite a lot this spring, and because by its definition it is unwanted, it irks me. I've talked it over with friends who have also experienced it, and boy, does it make for some interesting stories. For the most part, it is normally some older man on the street making strange comments about me, like the time I was told that I have beautiful feet (true story), which is toward the less extreme end of the spectrum. However, the fact that I have never been physically touched or threatened or cursed at does not mean that the behavior is any less creepy or that it makes me feel any less violated. I am not a commodity for public consumption, and I do not appreciate being treated as one.

This unfortunate phenomenon is not exclusive to the women I know, or even to women; it's something anyone can experience, and it's part of a habit we have in our culture of objectifying others. Objectification has been happening in some form or another probably since before we became Homo sapiens, and has become especially prevalent because of the way we advertise many goods and services now. People are frequently used in ads either because of their attractiveness, fame, or perceived social standing to sell things to other people. We're used to this and often don't see anything wrong with it, as when we commonly acknowledge that "sex sells" with no indication of how we feel or what we think about it, because "sex sells" is a fact of life for us. I don't particularly enjoy our cultural habit of seeing other people as objects, whether we do it to sell a product, attain release, or merely because it's second nature. Other people are people, and we all have inherent value, and I would rather live in a world where we think of all people first as who they are, rather than how they can be used.

In many Christian circles, the problem of objectification typically leads very neatly into the "solution" of modesty. Because in these same circles objectification is seen as something that men do to women because they are attracted to them, the solution to the problem of men objectifying women is for women to cover up their bodies to prevent men from objectifying them. This is a silly solution to the problem mainly because one person can never really have complete control over another, and so a woman covering more of her skin will not stop a man from thinking about her because it addresses a symptom of the problem rather than the problem itself. A man has to take responsibility for his own thoughts and actions because he is ultimately in control of what they are and how they affect other people. This is true of all of us, and men are certainly not the only people who objectify others; women objectify men and other women with just as much regularity, so nobody's hands are clean here.

Many times, however, the biggest problem with this way of thinking is where well-meaning folks place the blame for the problem of street harassment, objectification, and all of their fun relatives, i.e., on immodestly dressed women. The solution becomes modesty for the sake of others, the control of a woman and her choices by other people who are giving more thought to their own comfort and ease of life than they are to her and whether they have self-improvement to do. Each person is responsible for their own thoughts and actions and the consequences of the same, and while I personally think that being dressed in a way that does not show a lot of skin shows respect for oneself, if I judge or objectify a man or woman who shows more skin than I think is appropriate, that is primarily my problem and definitely my responsibility to fix. The onus is not on anyone else to control me in this way, especially if I don't want them to control me in any other way, and the same goes for everyone else.

One of the ways I have tried to rein myself in on this front is with the idea of situational propriety. It's how I decide what to wear and how to act and it is how I govern how I think about other people, and for the most part it works. Is what I am doing/wearing/thinking appropriate for the situation in which I find myself? Yes? Fabulous! No? Well, I'll need to change that. This is also why things like street harassment and Christian Modesty Discussions annoy me; because there isn't always one fixed standard for what is appropriate, and when there is people still act like there isn't, and when there isn't people often act like there is. I am totally guilty of acting in both of these ways, and it has often earned me a heaping helping of humble pie, my favorite dessert.

The best example I have which ties all of this together is my new found love, ballroom dance. Because ballroom dance is a set of different dances with their own histories, rhythms, and styles, there is certainly no fixed standard of modesty and behavior for all of it. The costume and behavior which accompanies the waltz, a 17th century European dance, is much different from those which accompany the samba, a late 19th/early 20th century Brazilian-West African dance. Because of these differences, it wouldn't be appropriate to wear the same costume for both or to try dancing the same way. The samba is much faster and more sensual than the waltz and requires a much skimpier costume for ease of movement (this is for the lady), and when it is done in the context of Brazilian Carnivale is even more revealing. None of that would be appropriate when dancing the waltz, but none of it is inappropriate when dancing the samba. Likewise, the waltz is slower and more graceful than the samba and its costume generally covers more skin on top and bottom. None of that would be appropriate when dancing the samba, but none of it is inappropriate for the waltz.

Much the same with attire, behavior, responsibility, and attitude toward others, each of these things needs to change with the situation. Are there some things which our culture will always find objectionable or inoffensive? Yes, probably, but there are fewer of those things than modesty hawks would like to think and more than extreme advocates of personal responsibility would like to think. Harassing and objectifying others is objectionable, a pair of shorts is not always. Modesty and propriety are inoffensive, forcing them on others to have control over them is not. I think if more people were to stop and examine themselves, we would likely have fewer of these silly and annoying things to think about, and more time to enjoy the dance. I imagine we would all have a little more fun that way.

On Love and Sacrifice

Since it is now February, my thoughts and the thoughts of many people, have turned to Valentine's Day. For my Catholic friends and acquaintances, thoughts have been turning toward Lent, since it begins on the 13th. Recently, though, my own thoughts, while occupied by both of those things, have also turned to something a great deal more ominous: human trafficking and modern-day slavery. I don't recall how my attention was drawn to the matter, but once I'd caught my first glimpse, I buried myself in information about it.

As with anything else about which I have questions, I spent a few days looking up the facts about human trafficking, and surely only scratched the surface of how horrifying the phenomenon truly is. Estimates, though by the very nature of the trade inexact, put the number of people held in slavery worldwide at almost 21 million. These people are men, women, and children of all ages and races, being taken from everywhere to everywhere for both forced labor and forced prostitution. Human trafficking is now the second largest black market in the world, second only to drug trafficking.

The majority of the people enslaved around the world are forced labor in factories, private homes, businesses, and occasionally even traveling around in groups with their captors. Many are recruited through promises of a better life, employment for adults, education or employment for children. The recruiters tell stories of the lives these people will lead, prosperous enough to send money home to take care of their families, and gain the trust of the entire communities in order to take people away with them. Once on the market, the unsuspecting victims are given or sold to their slavemasters. Some are told they have incurred or are incurring (imaginary) debts that they must work off, but as time wears on, they only sink further and further into debt that they can never repay. Most are overworked, starved, and abused, and too scared or practically unable to leave their situation. Money very rarely makes it back to their families, and though a lucky few are rescued, many more die in slavery without anyone to care that they're gone.

A large minority, about 43% of enslaved people, are forced into prostitution. Some are placed in brothels, others in massage parlors, others in strip clubs, and still others on the streets, all kept hostage by pimps, some as young as 8 or 9. Though pimps have been somewhat glorified in western culture, the terrifying reality is so much worse to hear. A real pimp controls every aspect of a prostitute's life, from when or if they can eat on any given day to how many Johns they will see each day to how much they are to charge for sexual acts they are forced to perform. Like other slaveholders, pimps give nothing to prostitutes, and beat and starve them in order to exact obedience, occasionally bringing drugs into the mix to keep them dependent. Like people forced into labor, people forced into prostitution have almost no way out of their situation, save for the very remote possibility of being saved by law enforcement, and many die in slavery without anyone to mourn them.

Even more frightening, as if such a thing is conceivable, is that many of the young girls in slavery in the US are runaways or have passed through the foster care system. These girls are as young as 12 and often did not receive love in their homes, and are exploited by pimps who lavish that love on them, buy them things, and act as their protector and guide before turning them out and forcing them to have sex for money. Many of them attend school simultaneously, and their teachers and peers never notice that they need help, only realizing something is wrong after they leave. If any of these girls are lucky enough to escape, their actions are criminal in 41 states, regardless of whether or not they were brainwashed or coerced, and many go to jail because it is easier to prosecute them than the pimps who control them or the Johns who use them.

All of this is too awful for words to accurately convey, and it can seem like it is too big or too dark or too secret for ordinary people to help solve. But it isn't. Whether you're a student, an educator, or a concerned citizen, there is a way for you to have a positive impact and contribute to ending modern day slavery. The easiest thing to do is to educate yourself about the issue. MTVU has a powerful project on its website called Against Our Will with interactive programs that tell you how people come into slavery and what that life is like. The federal government keeps the best statistics it can on the number of people trapped in slavery today, as do many other countries.

After educating yourself, there are so many things you can do. You can reach out to your high school or college to bring someone in to educate both staff and students about slavery and how to recognize it and report it. You can donate to or volunteer with organizations like the Polaris Project, which actively work to rescue people from slavery. You can make local, state, or federal lawmakers aware of the extent of the problem, especially because it is likely happening in their constituency. If you are unable to do anything else, tell someone you know about the issue. Refuse to stay quiet, because this is literally a life or death issue for people held in slavery.

It doesn't matter if you're religious or not, whether you're gay or straight, where you live, or what you do, slavery is an issue that should matter to everyone, and everyone can be a part of the solution. So during this time when so many of us are given to thinking of love or sacrifice, take a second to think of, pray for, or lend aid to someone who sacrifices so much and is loved so little, except by God.

Hope Full of Immortality

Happy 2013 everyone! I'm glad to be back and writing again. and before I get to saying anything else, please take a second to check out my friend Joe's new blog at Jeremiah 29:11. Joe is a great writer and very well read, and his posts always give you something to think about.

I want to reflect briefly on eternal life, as it has been brought to my attention several times this past year and I have thus had to read and pray and think about it quite a bit. I have experienced the death of a loved like many other people, but my experiences in 2012 have caused me to think differently about death, especially in light of my faith. Not all of the deceased were close to me, or even all people I knew, but there was something about each person that touched me differently and turned my thoughts toward the eternal life preached by the Catholic Church.

First was my friend Quinn, about whom I have previously written, who passed in June of cancer. I won't retell his story because I have nothing to add to what I've already said, but one of the blessings hidden in his death was my realization of why death, though sad, is not the worst thing that can happen to a person in the Christian worldview. As I was driving to his funeral, my thoughts turned to where he was at that moment and I realized that I did not have very much to be sad about in the long run. If Quinn had made it to Purgatory (as I'm assuming he had) then I could hope to see him again one day in Heaven. Our several atheist mutual friends couldn't say the same, and that caused me to feel more sadness for them because this would be the last time they believed they would ever see Quinn. On that day, I discovered what a beautiful gift faith is because it allowed me to believe that I could be reunited with Quinn one day.

That and the next few losses, the parents of friends from middle school and high school and a mentor to several of my friends now, caused me to think much more about judgement, particular and general, and the role of the living in affecting that judgement for themselves and others. The only commonality between these three was that I had been asked to pray for their souls, and in so doing began to think about why I was doing it. Was my prayer important? If so, why? What did I expect to come of praying for these people? I assumed that my prayer might carry some small import, or else I wouldn't have been asked to pray at all, and that it was important because if I really believed what I professed, they would do some good in helping these people get to Heaven (I do my best to assume that most people whose deaths I hear of make it to Purgatory). Following those assertions, I expected my prayers to benefit those souls and help them attain the everlasting joy of union with God.

The final loss of 2012 occurred earlier, but I only learned of it after Christmas. That one was the most painful and caused me to see that some losses wound a person very deeply even without their knowledge and even after many years have passed. When I asked my spiritual director for guidance regarding the situation, he told me to learn as much as I could about Heaven, what it's like and what the Church teaches about it. Shortly thereafter I read everything the Catechism says about eternal life, and I realized that the most I could do was make peace with the situation as best I can and pray. I have to rely on God now to do what He sees fit, and just keep praying for everyone involved.

As ever, Mary and the saints have been an invaluable help, as have the support of numerous friends. I suppose that 2012 was the year I learned how to grieve, but I don't think of that as a bad thing. As my father very bluntly stated about death recently, "It only becomes more familiar the older you get." I think it's good that I've learned what I have about death and eternal life this past year, especially that prayer is probably the best thing you can do when you are about to lose or have lost someone close to you or close to someone you love. I hope not to have a year like that for a long while yet, but I appreciate having had the experiences I did.