...Like bras, close to your heart, and there for support. I apologize to any male reader who may have been grossed out or just plain confused by that. It has a point, I promise. The point is that I love my friends. I know this, and I knew it before the Freshman Retreat, but like many things, I took it for granted. I took for granted that my friends were there to support me and have fun with me, and do crazy things like walk around the monuments in togas, or talk about emotional chastity with Taylor Swift in the background when we were supposed to be doing homework. This weekend solidified our bond with each other. A bond which started off strong, and because we were working together for something bigger than any of us, got a whole lot stronger.
On Saturday afternoon, the four of us sophomores led a discussion with the freshman girls about emotional chastity and how we'd struggled with it and continue to do so. At the time, I guess it hadn't occurred to us to be anything but honest with them. We told embarrassing stories, stories that still make us cringe, and stories we'd rather not be telling anyone. We tried to get the girls to identify ways that they'd struggled with it, and to think about living it out for their own sakes, and for the sake of their relationships with God. They got to see us really just being forthright about our lives, and how hard it is to live a virtuous life, and hopefully how happy we are doing it. The freshmen saw that for an hour and a half, but we saw it in each other all weekend.
The four sophomores on the retreat already knew about each other's struggles and problems. We'd seen them happen, heard about them, consoled each other, and baked our way through them when we had to. They weren't new to us. Who'd struggled with being dumped cruelly, who felt lonely and unlovable, and who was starting over again were already firmly established, and they didn't change. What did was that we came together as a group to fight those battles, rather than trying to do it ourselves. We purposely became more vulnerable, and that made us stronger. The girls noticed that vulnerability, as well, and it made an impression.
I think I've mentioned before that vulnerability and trust are things I don't do well. Like most people, I'm afraid of being hurt, and that is often what stops me from opening up to new possibilities and adventures. I don't like appearing vulnerable, either, which compounds the problem. It's tough to deal with issues when you're under the strain of feeling weak but trying to look strong. But part of the beauty of this weekend was that, surrounded by friends and allowed to reconnect with God, I didn't hold back. I laid bare what hurt me, what I struggle with on a daily basis, and a little bit of what I hope for when nobody's watching. It's not easy to be vulnerable like that, but it is rewarding.
It was truly a grace to be able to see my friends at work on the retreat. They were giving 110% the whole time, and it made their beauty shine through, inside and out. I hope that the freshman girls are able to find friends like that in each other, because as much as I love all my friends, nothing beats a friendship rooted in Christ. These girls are exquisitely beautiful, in faith and physically, and I'm blessed to have them around me to show me an example of what faith, hope and love really look like lived out. I can only hope we stay this tight, because I know the future with them will be like the dawn in Zachariah's Benedictus, full of hope, looking toward God.
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