Country Music and Femininity

I always hated when kids in school wrote essays that started with, "Merriam Webster defines ______ as..." but that's how I'm starting this post. It'll get more fun than that, I promise. Merriam Webster defines "femininity" as "the quality or nature of the female sex". It's a rather ambiguous definition which leaves a lot open to interpretation, so I polled several of my friends to see how they defined femininity. Here are the responses I received:

• "vaginas...delicate...classy" (<-- He was distracted by watching a perfect game being pitched)
• "femininity is doing things in a manner that focuses on emotions and relations...or wearing dresses"
• "uhhhhhhhhhh...modesty. compassion. taking care of others. putting others before self. really cute (and modest) dresses and skirts."
• "most feminists aren't feminine. they want women to be exactly like men and act like them and do whatever they do. it's like they forget that the reason they're feminist is because men treated them like sh*t and were total buttfaces for hundreds and thousands of years. don't honor their behavior with emulation, if anything, we should make men more like WOMEN."
• "being feminine means that while I'm doing something better than a boy i can look better, too...and more gracefully"
• "Respecting yourself and everything being a woman comes with. And embracing it."

Clearly, my friends have very widely varying ideas on what it means to be feminine. Some focus on behavior, others appearance, attitude, sacrifice, abilities, or physical attributes. All of these are correct in some way, though all incomplete, as well. It's not just about one of these things or a few, but all of them. To be feminine, one must possess the appearance, attitude, attributes, abilities, and nature of the feminine. It's about wholeness, essentially.

I've decided to write about this now because for the past year or so I've been becoming more feminine in many ways. It became most clear to me this afternoon, as I was buying myself clothes for this summer. Typically I would have gone heavy on cute, flowy tops, and relied on my jeans to get me through the heat with as little suffering as possible, but today I bought several skirts and dresses. In case you were wondering, I haven't mentioned shorts because I abhor them, and most shorts are sold with a 1" or 2" inseam, which doesn't look good on anyone, especially not on a short, muscular girl. Getting back on track, I decided to buy myself dresses and skirts, have become marginally more demure, and have tried to sacrifice of myself for the good of the people around me. It is an interesting change, to be sure.

Another factor in pushing me to write this is the recommendation of one of my friends that I listen to Josh Turner, a country singer whom she loves. I was only persuaded to acquiesce because she said he was a trained singer, and we share an interminable love of Basses. I took the plunge a few days ago, and I must say that I was pleasantly surprised. Turner is a good singer with the kind of low notes that send shivers down my spine, and his music is good with good messages. He writes about God, love (he uses his wife in his music videos), and whatever else a country musician is wont to write about. What struck me about his songs, as has happened with many other country singers, is that he reinforces traditional gender roles. He doesn't advocate women being uneducated, barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen, but he definitely asserts his role as a man while maintaining a touching tenderness when it comes to God and his wife.

It certainly doesn't hurt that Josh Turner is a good looking man, but I find that I like the more traditional way he portrays gender roles*. I can certainly do for myself, and most of the time I prefer to, but the thought of having a man who is willing to sacrifice for, love, and protect me (not to mention write songs and sing them to me), is appealing. What can I say, perhaps it's my feminine sensibilities getting the better of me. Part of that, I suppose, is the receptive element of the feminine personality. Yes, women do characteristically give of themselves in a thousand little ways each day, but they are also pursued by men, and the receivers of their advances, love, and sacrifices. I guess I'm growing into my femininity that I'm open to receiving now.

Obviously, this is the part where I say that my renewed fervor for Christ and His Church has informed my understanding of femininity and helped affect this change in me. And that's true. I'm far from perfect at this, and admittedly I'm far from even being good at it, but I'm still leaps and bounds better than I used to be. I hope that I can remain open to these unexpected life lessons, and especially to new singers if they're as good as Josh Turner is. Of course, I owe all this progress to God, and to all the extraordinary gifts and people He puts in my life to teach me the truths He wants me to know. I can't wait to see what He'll teach me next.

*DISCLAIMER: This is not an endorsement of any negative stereotype of men, women, or country music. It's just refreshing in a world that glorifies promiscuity and mocks traditional families.