Suffering Doesn't Mean God Isn't There

I've had writer's block lately, so this idea comes from a friend who has been trying to explain the concept to other people. It's a pretty big issue for some folks to grapple with, especially if they've suffered more than most others. I've noticed, as I'm sure many others have, that the more we suffer, the more we tend to believe that God isn't with us, or that He doesn't exist at all. We tend to think that if God really existed, or if He really loved us, He would spare us from our suffering.

It's a very tempting thought. God is all-powerful, all-good, all-loving, and so shouldn't He want and be able to relieve us of those things that hurt us the most? Of course He can, and of course He wants to, but sometimes that isn't what's best for us, and above almost all other things, God wants what is best for us. He created us and is our Heavenly Father, and like any good father, He wants us to be happy, but He can't always keep us from hurting. That's not to say that like our earthly fathers, God isn't capable  of preventing us from hurting, but that if He wants what is best for us, He has to let us live our lives, and yes, get hurt sometimes.

How can that be? you might protest. How can a beneficent God allow pain and suffering and still claim He's there for us? How can He say He still loves us if He lets us get hurt? Because pain doesn't just hurt us. Pain helps us heal and makes us stronger, if we let it. Sometimes God lets us suffer because there is something better we will discover through that pain. Oftentimes we forget that the way we want things to go is not always the best way. It might be the most emotionally satisfying way, or the least turbulent way, but it isn't the best way, and while we don't always know that, God does.

How do I know this? I'm speaking from experience. And not just the one-time-I-wanted-things-to-work-out-and-they-didn't-so-I-discovered-God type of vague, universal experience. It's happening now, and probably not in this way to too many other people. I'm suffering right now. I have been since February, and will for at least another month. You see, a group of my friends is on an airplane at Dulles Airport in Washington, waiting to take off for a three week long pilgrimage to Rome, Paris, Lourdes, and Madrid. You know where I'm supposed to be right now? On that airplane. Do you know where I am right now? In Connecticut, on my living room couch, trying to convince myself that God still loves me, in spite of the fact that He didn't miraculously intervene to get me on that pilgrimage.

I want more than anything to go to Europe and see the churches, the holy sites, the holy people, and World Youth Day, but I'm not going. For the next month, I will be hearing updates from that pilgrimage, and when I get back to school, I will ask the obligatory "How did it go?", "Did you see the Pope?", "What was the coolest thing about it?", "Are you glad you went?" type of questions, knowing full well that every answer will feel like a knife twisting in my heart. It seems completely unfair to me that God would allow a dozen other people to make this trip free of charge (they raised all the money they needed), and make me stay home, especially foreknowing what awaited me here. It's the same jealous pain you feel when a member of your family dies, and the next week, your friend invites you to their family reunion. You wonder why God had to take your family member and not someone else's, and on top of that, why the pain of the loss had to be rubbed in. That's how I feel right now.

Alright, so now that we've established that we're all sad for some reason, that still doesn't prove that God hasn't abandoned us. What does is what He gives us in return for our pain, and how we choose to utilize it. You know what I got for my pain? A nine hour round trip spent cursing at other drivers and my GPS in the heat, and a nerve-wracking search for a group of people I couldn't identify, other then "The guy's name is Chris, and they're from near Boston, I think". I was hungry, tired, sweating, and crying, and it took two and a half hours to locate the only person I knew among a few thousand at a ski resort 240 miles away from home, and praise God I didn't keep seeing it through that lens. It was tempting, though, I won't lie.

Instead, how I choose to see this arrangement will color what my attitude toward God's presence in my life will be. I could choose the negativity, but that would ignore the things I could never have gotten from the pilgrimage through Europe. I threw my time and resources (a few weeks' paychecks) into a day and a half at a Christian music festival that is much smaller and less hyped than World Youth Day, and while that seems inferior to three weeks in Europe, it really wasn't. I spent thirty-six hours in one of the most beautiful places I have ever been, making friends with some absolutely amazing Catholic kids who showed me Christ in new ways, sitting in top of a ski slope singing at the top of my lungs, and forgetting about every worry in my life other than "Will we make it to the mountaintop stage before Tenth Avenue North gets done with their set?" If I choose the negativity, then I would be ignoring all the gifts and graces God has chosen to give me in favor of self pity over not getting what I wanted.

I can still choose the negativity if I want, and so can you, if you're suffering. You can choose to see your loss, your pain, your thwarted efforts, your stifled plans, and decide that God has abandoned you because suffering has entered your life. Please don't. God became man in Jesus Christ and endured every kind of pain we can feel, just for us. Jesus endured this pain so that every time one of us suffers, He can be there beside us, crying to God the Father "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?". Every ache you feel, every tear you shed, none of it is in vain because Christ feels it with you and offers you a chance to unite it to the ultimate suffering, His Cross, for your salvation and that of others.

And don't forget that God sends grace and blessings with pain, all you have to do is look for them. It is hard to do sometimes, but He is reminding you that He will never leave you. He loves you that much. Suffering doesn't mean God isn't there, it means you're human. You might have to search for God in those moments, but He's not hiding. He's in everything and everyone who gives you comfort, He's waiting for you to reach out to Him so He can heal your heart and help you go on. If you need tangible proof, check out Matthew 5:4, "Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted", and Isaiah 49:13-16, "Sing out, O heavens, and rejoice, O earth, break forth into song, you mountains. For the LORD comforts his people and shows mercy to his afflicted. But Zion said, 'The LORD has forsaken me; my Lord has forgotten me.' Can a mother forget her infant, be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Even should she forget, I will never forget you. See, upon the palms of my hands I have written your name..."

If you're suffering right now, please don't stop searching for God. He's right there with you, hurting, but also waiting to heal. Keep looking for God, because He will never abandon you.