Gossip Kills

I used to be a really big gossiper. I was the girl that knew everything, and who everyone went to when they wanted to know just exactly what was going on. And I was proud of that. I liked knowing that when people wanted to know something, they all trusted me to know first.

Then, last Lent, I tried to give up gossiping, because I knew I shouldn't be doing it, and I wanted to be able to use the season of sacrifice for Christ to give up the pride of place that came with being the source of grist for the rumor mill, and to change my ways. That proved a lot harder than I thought, and it was the first year that I kept a resolution wholesale (caffeine and chocolate) and failed a resolution wholesale, as well (gossiping). What I hadn't noticed, surprisingly, was that being the source of information for people who gossipped de facto made me surround myself with those people. I had almost nobody to turn to, because everyone I knew counted on me to know what they wanted to know, and nobody bought it when I copped out and said I didn't know (I usually did), and bothered me when I refused to tell them what I knew.

Over the summer, I learned the effect of gossip painfully when I told my manager at work something personal about my life, and asked her not to tell anyone. Within two weeks, almost all of my coworkers had questioned me about that personal aspect of my life, and they suddenly all had collective amnesia when I asked who had told them about it. It hurt to feel like these people, who liked me and treated me as a friend most of the time, were more than willing to treat me like meat if they thought they'd get to hear something interesting or salacious. I was disgusted and upset, and learned the hard way to be selective about the things I told others about myself.

Coming back to school this year, I've reconnected with some great friends, and I'm so happy. Things are working out for me, and I'm so glad to help our Newman Center to recruit students to come and check us out, and hopefully to have a meeting with Christ. However, I've realized that in light of what happened to me at work over the summer, I have no stomach for gossip anymore. Not only does it hurt a soul to gossip actively, I find increasingly that it hurts my soul to even hear gossipping. I cannot stand hearing people talk trash about each other and then turn around to be pious. This is nothing against people who regret what they've done and repent and try to make amends, because I am one of those. This is more the hypocritical type of looking down one's nose at the less pious, before talking about them as if they were circus freaks.

I remember having a conversation with my school's chaplain about a nasty bout of gossipping with my friends that he was afraid would have helped to lead another person astray, thinking that what we did was acceptable. I confessed to him (not Sacramentally) that because I was a freshman, I honestly thought I didn't have an influence on other people. I was quickly admonished to disabuse myself of the notion that I had no influence, because I was influential in some respects, and if people saw me doing something, they would follow my lead or believe that it was okay because I was doing it. That night, I put together a list of quotes about gossip and hung it on the wall next to my bed as a reminder that gossip kills. Perhaps not literally, but it kills friendships, relationships, jobs, families, faith, and probably other things I can't think of at the moment.

I am sincerely hoping that this year will see an end to the lion's share of the gossip I hear on a fairly regular basis. I hate it, it hurts me spiritually, and I'm starting to believe that it is literally of Satan. Below, I've attached my quote list, just as food for thought.

v What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth.  ~Jewish Proverb

v  No one gossips about other people's secret virtues.  ~Bertrand Arthur William Russell, On Education, 1926

v The easiest way to keep a secret is without help.  ~Author Unknown

v  A cruel story runs on wheels, and every hand oils the wheels as they run.  ~Ouida

v Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.  ~Spanish Proverb

v  Do not repeat anything you will not sign your name to.  ~Author Unknown

v Gossip needn't be false to be evil - there's a lot of truth that shouldn't be passed around.  ~Frank A. Clark

v It is one of my sources of happiness never to desire a knowledge of other people's business.  ~Dolley Madison

v Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell.  ~Shana Alexander

v  I resolve to speak ill of no man whatever, not even in a matter of truth; but rather by some means excuse the faults I hear charged upon others, and upon proper occasions speak all the good I know of everybody.  ~Benjamin Franklin

v There is so much good in the worst of us,

And so much bad in the best of us,

That it hardly becomes any of us

To talk about the rest of us.

~Edward Wallis Hoch

v The biggest liar in the world is They Say.  ~Douglas Malloch

v  Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.  ~Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack, July 1735