I've been working in a local restaurant for the past month or so, and it's been a good experience so far. It's taught me patience and persevering kindness, and re-taught me the value of a dollar, though it's also tested my propensity to gossip and generally be unkind about people when they are unkind or uncooperative. It is usually not so much a test when these things are happening as after they happen, since it is the job of every employee in a restaurant to be as kind and cooperative with the patrons as possible. However, I will admit that the challenge oftentimes comes more from the attitude and actions of the patrons than from my own temperament. Sometimes, as my uncle who also works in food service says, "people suck". I know, though, that many people don't get taught what to do in a restaurant, as well as what not to do, so I'm doing do's and don'ts that your restaurant staff won't tell you, but will definitely appreciate, but with a Catholic twist.
Do: Try to be friendly when you come in. We work very hard to make the restaurant atmosphere a pleasant and welcoming one, not just because then you'll spend more money, but mostly because we do actually want you to enjoy being there. Smile at the hosts and servers, and even feel free to make a corny joke (we'll always give an obligatory chuckle). You're the unknown in this situation, so if you're friendly and at ease with us, our friendliness goes from automated to genuine pretty fast.
Don't: Try to be fake friendly or sour when you come in. We know what automated friendliness looks like (we're likely a lot better at it than you), and it's sort of awkward when patrons do it. We're always smiling and trying to make your experience a good one, and if you come in with a dour attitude, it makes everyone's life harder. Nobody likes a sour puss, and you certainly wouldn't appreciate it if that's how we acted.
Catholic Twist: When you're making an effort to be genuinely friendly, you're showing a little bit of Christ's love to people who are working just as hard as you do with a lot of the same life pressures. While we basically operate under the "love your neighbor as yourself" principle all the time, it is much easier to do when our neighbor is trying to love us as well. Also, being dour tempts us to gossip and be uncharitable toward you in other ways, and it effects your experience negatively as well. "But rather, love your enemies and do good to them... then your reward will be great and you will be children of the Most High, for he himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as (also) your Father is merciful." (Lk 6:35-36)
Do: Cooperate with your server. Since you just walked in, you may or may not have taken a cursory glance at your surroundings, but please do. Try to see if your section (all of which your server is taking care of) is full, noisy, or occupied by troublesome patrons. Either way, please be kind to and cooperative with your server. Yes, it is his/her job to take your order/bring you sustenance/smile and check up on you/bring your check, but he or she will likely be trying their darndest to give you the best possible service, and that deserves some cooperation. Remember, the word is server, not servant.
Don't: Tell the host/server that you're in a rush, and need to be out by x-o-clock. If you're coming to eat at a sit down restaurant, the staff assumes that you have budgeted enough time to eat there. We also assume that you know about this crazy phenomenon that occasionally strikes restaurants, called getting busy. Please, please do not come in and order anyone to serve you immediately because it's 6:15, and you absolutely must be out of here by 7:30. Even if the restaurant isn't packed, time still needs to be allowed for the cooking and preparation of your food. Rushing us makes things come out poorly and creates unnecessary stress. And if the restaurant is busy, rushing your server will cause him or her to neglect the other patrons, which will aggravate them.
Catholic Twist: The root of this do and don't is humility. To enter any business and demand immediate service because you have something you need to do is the height of arrogance. It tells the staff that servicing you is more important than running their business effectively, and the other clientele that your business is more important than theirs. If you had truly thought about your time constraints and whether or not you had the time for dinner at a sit-down restaurant, you would likely have been humble enough to choose to go to McDonald's instead of making a hassle elsewhere. "For pride is the reservoir of sin, a source which runs over with vice..." (Sir 10:13)
Do: Ask your server for a few recommendations. Everyone in a restaurant except the busboy and the dish washer are required to know the menu items and their ingredients. If you don't know what you want to eat, you can ask any one of us what's good, and we'll tell you, though to be fair, we'll usually tell you our favorites unless you ask about a specific category of food. But if you want a couple of choices straight from the source, there is no better asset than your server (and remember, this is part of his or her job).
Don't: Order something you've never had, and send it back if you don't like it. Never had a particular cut of steak or ethnic-inspired dish before? Go ahead, try it. Expand your palate by trying something new. But for the love of all that is good, do not send the meal back to the kitchen if you discover you don't like it. This is unfair and wasteful, and you're not going to get another meal without having to pay for it. It doesn't matter if you only had three bites, because the restaurant had to pay for the food, the resources and people to cook it, and for the time the server spent waiting on you. If you're not sure you'll like it, order the burger or the pasta.
Catholic Twist: This set is more about consideration of the people serving you. Not just your server, but the kitchen staff, and even the managers. Yes, the server has to spend more time on you listening to your complaints and getting you a meal you will actually eat, but the cooks have to make more food, the dish washer has to wash more, and the managers (who have a bottom line to watch) won't appreciate having to throw away perfectly good food. This causes unnecessary frustration for everyone involved, and neither we nor you will be tempted to be charitable with or about each other in this situation. "A word is the source of every deed; a thought, of every act. The root of all conduct is the mind..." (Sir 37:16-17)
Do: Be considerate of your server. Taking care of you is your server's job, but only part of it. The rest includes, but is not limited to, bussing and setting tables, and serving at least three or four other tables, cleaning the area they're working in, and probably some side work they split with the rest of the staff. They are working on a schedule, and there is only so much time they have in which to do all the work they've been assigned for the day. If you are pleasant and minimally obtrusive, it makes the server's job that much easier.
Don't: Demand an inordinate amount of your server's time or attention. Like I said, your server has a job to do of which taking care of you is only a part. This is not to say that you should not interact with your server at all, but if you don't need to, you probably shouldn't. Don't worry, nobody will think you're some sort of introverted freak, they'll probably just assume you're too busy enjoying your meal or your company to bother the server.
Catholic Twist: Some people seem to forget that even though they're enjoying leisure time at a restaurant, the staff is not. It's not that we dislike being there, but it is our job. And since we're at work, we are required to be industrious. Like most people, even if we're at work, we might not exactly want to be industrious, but we have to be. Taking up a lot of our time allows us to neglect our other work and indulge in sloth, which will have no repercussions for you, but if it happens enough times, it could certainly spell trouble for us. St. Paul advises that those who do not work should also not eat, do you really want that for your server?
Do: Report actual problems or legitimately atrocious service to the manager. He or she should know if a table or chair is broken, or if there is some equally serious problem in the restaurant that needs to be taken care of. Also, if your server or host is rude, surly, slow, inattentive, and ignoring you, that is something the manager could best address with that individual to make it stop. Managers, staff, and patrons will thank you for being astute and conscientious enough to speak up about legitimate issues that need fixing. That being said:
Don't: Approach the manager over a forgotten straw or underdone steak. Neither of these is a serious issue at all, and hence, neither is worth making a stink over to somebody who will simply apologize and refer you to your server (the appropriate channel through which to address the "problem"). Also, managers have numbers to crunch and an entire business to run, and while they do want you to be satisfied, they personally are not responsible for ensuring your steak is well done or there's enough cherry syrup in your drink. They're not always so keen on being brought away from their work by the staff, and we only bother them when we absolutely have to.
Catholic Twist: This one is about temperance. It is fitting to let someone know about an issue that actually will affect their business, and you would be remiss if you knew and didn't inform someone. But it is intemperate to blow something small out of proportion (usually out of misplaced anger) and then insist on talking to a manager about it. St. Paul admonishes people in both 2 Timothy and Titus about being temperate, and let's face it, anger is never a good thing.
And finally,
Do: Tip whoever served you- waiter, host, or bartender. Lots of people think that tipping is a nicety that you observe because you're being served, but that if service isn't stellar, you don't need to tip. This is untrue. Most restaurant staff do not make the minimum wage, because tips are part of our wages. That's right, it's not a formality, it's how we get paid. We do our best to serve you in whichever way we do, and just because you don't see all the work that goes into your experience, doesn't mean we're not doing it. And believe me, we have mental tip calculators, so we know when we're being cheated. The typical rate is 18% of your bill. 20% if the service was stellar, but absolutely no less than 15%. Lots of restaurant staff are working two jobs to support themselves, and that's if they're lucky. If not, they're working at the restaurant and somewhere else to make ends meet for a family, and tips are part of how they do that.
Don't: Assume someone else will do it. Not everybody has worked in restaurants, I get that, but never assume that you can not leave a tip (or leave a negligible one) because somebody else will leave a big one. Some nights, that might happen at one table to one lucky server, host, or bartender, but it is not the rule, it is very much the exception. Like I said, we have mental tip calculators, and we know what percentage we're being tipped. Also, if you have a problem with the service, mention it to somebody instead of "punishing" your server by refusing to leave a tip. Some of us depend on them to get by, and that's not fair to someone who is likely trying their best to do their job.
Catholic Twist: Remember the story about Jesus flipping the money changers' tables and driving them out of the temple with a whip? Yep, here's looking at you, cheap tippers! Not only were the money changers not supposed to be doing business in the temple, but on top of that, they cheated the poor people who were only trying to offer God His due when they changed their money before making them buy the sacrificial animals. Okay, so we're not necessarily worshipping God through our work, but not tipping or under tipping does cheat hard-working people out of money they have rightfully earned. Do you really want to have to answer for doing that? No, I didn't think so.
So there it is, folks. A few guidelines for how to act in a restaurant from real, live restaurant staff! Feel free to print and laminate this at any point, should you need to (or don't, it's completely up to you). But please remember that waitstaff are people too. :)
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