Dominoes or a House of Cards

Have you ever noticed how fragile either of these things are? Did you used do make little domino Rube-Goldbergs or card castles? They're difficult to make, and it takes time, dedication, and planning to do well. You take a lot of pride in them when they're done, especially if what you've made is impressively large or intricate. Then, just as you go to shift something, or the family pet whizzes by, or some smart alec thinks it'll be funny to take just one integral piece.... the whole thing comes crashing down before your eyes, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Occasionally you'll get lucky, and the removal of that piece doesn't destroy the project, but nine times out of ten, it does. If you made one of these contraptions, do you remember how much it stinks to have to clean up all the dominoes or cards? Oftentimes you don't want to, and you almost never want to start rebuilding.

Last night in Confession, the priest made the observation that sin is like dominoes or a house of cards; often, when one piece falls, the whole contraption comes apart. If not, the whole is made more susceptible to collapse because it has been weakened. I noticed this earlier in the year, when a situation came up with a couple of friends, and I was literally consumed by anger. I would try to pray or calm myself down, but part of me refused to let go of how angry I was, and from there all my dominoes fell in a neat little line. I have to admit, though, it felt much more like a game of fifty-two pickup.

I made mention of that when I confessed, how it seemed like anger was the sin that facilitated all the others, and once I decided to stop fighting it, every other sin became so much easier to commit. It has been the same this past week; anger over the circumstances surrounding the death of a friend of my parents has paved the way for a longer list of sins than I care to admit. It seemed funny to me that last night the priest should make the same observation about sin, but then, he hears from many more sinners than I do, so perhaps this is something other people have trouble with as well. During my last two Confessions, the priest (same one) told me to think and pray about the one area of my life that could be improved upon, and to ask God for the grace to improve it. I think that self-control, generally, and controlling my anger, specifically, are that area.

The thing about anger (at least, with me) is that it touches every other area of my life. Angry? Probably going to forego prayer to brood. Annoyed? Probably going to stay up late thinking about it. Frustrated? Probably going to shut other people out, and definitely going to be tempted to sin more. Anger is also best buddies with pride and defiance, which creates the perfect storm of vice. I have tried in vain this week to write another post, but each time I did, a stunted, angry, selfish garble of words came out. I deleted each prospective post, and I'm very happy I did. There was nothing remotely redeeming about them, and now I know why. I was too angry to see straight or to even bother doing something morally neutral, let alone charitable or right.

BUT: This has been another glorious reminder of why I need and love the Sacrament of Confession. My soul has been pretty dingy lately, and was in need of a good cleaning, so I'm glad that I took a good enough look at myself to want to go, and that God has been willing as ever to forgive His crazy little sheep. I know that the coming weeks will be tough, since the situation that first aroused my ire will not abate until tomorrow at the very earliest, though likely not until late August. However, I know that there will be opportunities between now and then to confess, and that I am now armed with a little more knowledge of self and sin with which to survive.

Wow, I feel so much better now.  :D