Enemy of the Good

I'm procrastinating this afternoon, as I have no desire to complete a seemingly impossible assignment for one of my History classes, so here I am to address you all. I love reading other Catholic blogs, and one in particular is the blog of Msgr. Charles Pope, who always seems to have reasonable things to say and writes in a style that is easily accessible to many different kinds of readers. Today's post is about delaying marriage and the perfect as the enemy of the good. This message strikes a chord with me especially since I am a perfectionist, and my mother always used to tell me that I shouldn't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Sometimes good is good enough, and I needed to be told occasionally to let go of my dreams of perfection so that a particular task could be accomplished.

I was reminded of this topic last night during a discussion with two male friends about falling in love. I mentioned to them that I dislike songs with cynical lyrics because they take such a dim and hopeless view of love and life. I told them that I want falling in love to be thrilling and scary and fulfilling, to which one of them replied that I've been watching to many romantic comedies and that I should take my head out of the clouds. I countered with the assertion that I do not suffer from the delusion that some mythical Prince Charming will ride in on his white horse and sweep me off my feet and carry me into the sunset. What I mean when I say that I want falling in love to be those things is that I want to be excited to give myself to another person, that I want to know that in making myself vulnerable to him, I am entering into communion with him, that I'm having the experience as it's meant to happen.

I know that I don't know from experience how these things are "meant to happen", but I think I have a good enough idea to work off of from the examples of the dating/married women I know. However, this idea has been a long time coming, as I have taken the customary way too long period of letting my idea of a perfect man be the enemy of the good men who actually exist. I don't have any romantic prospects now, but that hasn't stopped me in the past from dreaming up the perfect man for myself. It's only recently, as I begin the first stages of vocational discernment that I've started trying to curb my perfectionism in favor of a more realistic idea of how my life could go.

Most of this change is due to a wonderful group of women I was introduced to on facebook this summer, CathSorority. I am (to my knowledge) the second youngest woman in the group, so I've had ample opportunity to learn about the struggles of real life women and men to live their call to marriage (and one woman's call to the religious life). In a way, I've been blessed to see some of what Christian dating and marriage actually look like, made to work by imperfect people the best way they know how. These women have given me a real inside look on the routine and not-so-routine hardships of life, and thus, a better, more realistic idea of what my life could look like in the future.

That's not to say that all they experience is hardship, for certainly they've had their share of joyful moments as well as hard ones. At least three or four women have welcomed new children, a few have gotten new jobs, and some are approaching their weddings with growing excitement. The reason that I look forward to my future and hopefully falling in love, though, is because I've seen these women talk about and live their loves with their husbands and children. I know what they've experienced, good and bad, and I look forward to my future life that much more because it sounds like true happiness, even though there are scares and struggles along the path. They have not let the perfect be the enemy of the good, and to me, that looks so much more fulfilling than whatever form perfect takes in my head or heart. It reflects God's plan for them, and as my spiritual director likes to say, whatever God calls you to will be your happiness. I look forward to my happiness, no matter what God determines that will be, or with whom; perfect or not.