50 Shades of Magic Mike

I don't normally write about pop culture and other factors similarly irrelevant to my life, but I've found a couple of things that merit talking about. The first is the book 50 Shades of Grey, and the second is the movie Magic Mike. Both are erotic, popular, and aimed at women, and women have eaten them up in droves. I don't know anyone who's read/seen them, as far as I know, but I can't escape them in the news and on the web. I can tell already that I will be one of the women not partaking in the fad, partially because crap that pretends to be art offends me, and partially because I know what the producers of both are doing, and I won't bite.

I've been hearing a lot about 50 Shades of Grey and Magic Mike recently, and I have to say that all the hubbub about them in the media is ridiculous. It's being hailed as new and revolutionary that women are reading erotica and watching soft-core pornography, and as a woman I have to ask: to whom? I'm serious, though. This is not news to me or to any woman who lives in the first world today. Women read erotica all the time. What do people think is in those trashy "romance" novels, candlelight dinners? Why do they think women flock to movies with actors like Channing Tatum and Ryan Reynolds, because they should be nominated for Academy Awards? None of this is new, and it's certainly not revolutionary, but I will say this: it's a big, fat load of hypocrisy, and I'm ashamed that women are buying into it.

I'll start off by saying that yes, as a young Catholic woman, the sex is part of the reason I object to 50 Shades and Magic Mike. However, that is really only the tip of the iceberg, because I'm not uncomfortable with sex, how it works, sexuality, or the male and female anatomy. Unlike some folks, I am able to say the words penis and vagina without blushing or giggling. What really bothers me is the double standard women are perpetuating by buying into these franchises, and what their popularity says about some of the problems facing women and couples today, and the fact that they're being exacerbated and/or ignored instead of solved. So I'm being a little conservative today, but only a little.

First things first, let's talk about the double standard 50 Shades and Magic Mike create, and to do that, let's flip them around a little. What if instead of aiming to titillate women, 50 Shades was meant to titillate men by its main character's complete sexual dominance over the female protagonist in the "Red Room of Pain"? What if men were supposed to get off by going to see Magic Mariah- a movie about female strippers- and were doing it by the thousands and recommending their friends do the same? It wouldn't just be the feminists raising hell about it, it would be all women. They'd shout about authors and producers objectifying women, and demand that the books be pulled from the shelves and the movie from the box office. The preeminent concern would be for the dignity of women- wives, sisters, mothers, daughters- and the effect these images would have on them. Why is it, then, that objectifying men is permissible for the pleasure of women? I've yet to hear an acceptable answer.


Call me crazy, but I believe in the equality of the sexes. I want equal pay for equal work, and if I'll tell my sons they can't hit women, I'll tell my daughters they can't hit men. Respect is a two-way street, and I'm not okay with the hypocrisy of the 50 Shades and Magic Mike franchises, because if women are going to scream about deserving the respect of men, they had better be giving men the respect they deserve. I don't care if that opinion doesn't earn me any friends. I'm not advocating putting someone on a pedestal who hasn't earned it, but I believe in holding yourself to the same standards you set for others.

I've railed against them so far, but 50 Shades and Magic Mike have done one good thing, even if people don't realize it: they've exposed some glaring problems in the lives of their female consumers. What does it say about a married woman who turns to erotica and pornography for satisfaction? It says that she's not being satisfied by sex with her husband. What does it say about women and couples if thousands of women are turning to erotica and pornography for satisfaction, not clandestinely as they typically do, but publicly and proudly? It says that there is something wrong with the way thousands of men and women were taught to communicate with and relate to each other. Granted, I'm not privy to the inner workings of the average married couple's relationship, but I'd say it's a safe bet that if they were communicating and relating effectively, one partner wouldn't be searching outside the relationship for fulfillment.

I'm going to go out on another crazy limb here, but I believe that trust and good communication are the bedrock of any solid relationship. Every good relationship I have is good because I communicate effectively and often with the other person, and because we trust each other to improve as people when we need to and improve the relationship when it needs to be improved. I believe that marriage is the ultimate relationship because it is a choice to commit in a unique way to one person forever, and because of its singular nature, marriage requires both husband and wife to communicate effectively to make it work. If one or both partners are not talking to the other and are seeking sexual satisfaction elsewhere, the way I see it, the marriage has been lost. It can be recovered, but it will take a lot of work, and the popularity of 50 Shades and Magic Mike have shown that an enormous number of marriages need that work.

If you've seen Magic Mike or read 50 Shades of Grey, please don't think I'm condemning you, as strong as my words here are. I'm nowhere near impervious to this kind of temptation, and a few years ago both of these franchises would have been right up my alley. I say this because I know men deserve better treatment from women, women deserve better entertainment from an industry that is capable of high art, and because both deserve to be able to enter a marriage and actually make it work. Also, I think that sex should be a wonderful, rapturous experience for both parties, and I know firsthand that pornography of any kind doesn't make sexual experiences better, it makes them worse. There are plenty of ways that we as a culture can be entertained, stimulated, and respected, but the likes of 50 Shades and Magic Mike are not among them.