A very good friend of mine, who is currently studying abroad, sent me this amazing blog post from CatholicVote.org today, and after reading it I decided that not only do I HAVE to share it, but I'm going to write my own takes on the author's points. I read CVote quite often, and while I don't agree with everything I find there, I love Emily Stimpson's pieces, especially since she often addresses them to single women, which I am. So without further ado, let's get going, shall we?
First off, I attend a very secular university, where Women's Studies does not want for majors in both men and women, political correctness is painfully present, and license is the supreme good. I have nothing against Women's Studies theoretically, though I find it to be whiny and annoying (and yes, I have taken a WSTU course), and too in line with radical feminism. I don't particularly object to political correctness, either, though here in Washington it's a rather uncomfortable and annoying art form. License, however, I take unabashed issue with. License is what's gotten society in a lot of pickles, and I see it as the primary driving force behind this debacle with the HHS mandate.
Tying all of these things together are the whinings I hear from so many people (mostly women, though some men) that men are still oppressing women. Really? I don't know about you, but I know of no oppressed woman in this day and age who is not actively being abused. Do you know who does oppress women, though? If you guessed WOMEN, you would be entirely correct. Women have come up with a thousand utterly ridiculous ideas about how to "liberate" ourselves from the oppressive yoke of men, and in the process we have pushed ourselves down more effectively than I think men ever have. Below are my thoughts on Emily Stimpson's ways women can truly liberate themselves from their self-oppression.
1. Just say “No”…to men who don’t love you enough to pursue you, work for you, and, old-fashioned as it may seem, wait for you. THANK YOU! I wish more people today would say this. And for anyone who's wondering, I am not yearning for neanderthal men who see women as prizes, women to start pretending to be idiots to draw men in, or a "simpler time" of any kind. I am, however, desperately yearning for women to have the strength and desire to be virtuous, and for men to do the same. Too many women, myself included, have fallen prey to the idea that sex = love. Sex does not equal love. I'll say it again: Sex. Does. Not. Equal. Love. Extramarital sex of any kind is a mortal sin, because it reduces man and woman to objects. Extramartial sex robs people of their dignity, dignity with which God imbued them before they were born, and for which Christ suffered and died on the cross. A woman should be strong enough -and have an adequate support system- to wait until marriage to have sex, to make the promise with her words and actions that not only will she love this man until she dies, but that she will remain faithful to him, and help him get to heaven.
2. Put the kibosh on porn. Can say this from experience, PORN IS EVIL. Porn creates addicts, hurts people, hurts relationships, breaks the viewer's bond with God, put viruses on their computer and a hefty dent in their bank account, and that just the tip of the iceberg. Like extramarital sex, porn makes people into objects and takes away their dignity, on top of which it's not even real. Additionally, porn creates unrealistic expectations in men and women about what women should look like. How many women have you seen walking around with perfect hair, perfect nails, perfect make-up, a nearly non-existent outfit, and a 36-24-36 figure in their everyday life? None! No women actually do that, and porn helps make us ashamed of the way God made us. I'm not a shapely woman, and porn helped me damage my self-image to the point where even a couple years on, I'm still learning to find an accentuate my natural beauty, rather than striving to attain an impossible standard because it's what men who have been led astray think is the norm.
3. Feed yourself. Diets are fine if you need them, starvation is not. I know too many women who have this absolutely disturbing idea that food is a bad thing. Food is not a bad thing, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a skinny Italian! I love food, and I don't know anyone who doesn't. Food is a connection to culture, to other people, to places, to memories, and to unlocking feel-good chemical rewards in your brain. You are hardwired to want and need to eat, it's in your nature, just like sex (for procreation) and survival. I have had friends restrict, and have myself restricted, my food intake before because of the emphasis society has placed on being thin. Thin is not any sort of ideal! The idea of what makes a woman beautiful is not static! Some times and cultures call fat women beautiful, some call plump women beautiful, some call average women beautiful, and some call thin women beautiful. Me? I call healthy women beautiful. God put your body on a specific frame, and made your size unique to you, so work with it, not against it. I was given a small, somewhat rectangular frame, which needs some doing to look shapely. You know what it's great for? Running and climbing, which I love to do. Eat and exercise in proportion. It's better for you that way.
4. Ditch the Pill. If I went to a doctor today, and complained I had a habit that caused me to gain weight, have acne, go through weird mood swings, and increased my risk of heart attack, cancer, and lupus, he or she would probably tell me to stop doing whatever that was posthaste. That habit is taking birth control pills. I know that hormonal birth control can be used to treat PMDD, polycystic ovarian syndrome, endometriosis, and other serious medical conditions, but outside of that, it does no good. Even used perfectly, it's not 100% effective at preventing pregnancy, it can't prevent diseases, and it can help make you seriously sick. Taking the pill makes it so a woman is seen as being available for sex whenever it is desired of her, and reduces her to a fleshy blowup doll. Birth control makes a person (man or woman) with feelings, ambitions, opinions, an intellect, and a story into a two dimensional cardboard cutout whose only function is providing pleasure on demand.
5. Stop confusing “Sexy” with “Beautiful.” There's nothing wrong with sex appeal, that's part of how babies are made. And there's nothing wrong with beauty, it's a reflection of God. That being said, sex appeal is not necessarily beauty, and is much more dangerous than people give it credit for being. Women who strive after either are seeking to be beautiful, which is how God made us. It's how God made everything, and that is why people are always trying to create beautiful things, because they are looking to find God through whatever medium they are pursuing. I see so many beautiful women on my campus cheapening themselves by going for sex appeal rather than true beauty, and it saddens me tremendously. Striving after sex appeal, in my experience, is a woman's cry to be found beautiful. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be beautiful, but sex appeal can lead you and others into mortal sin, and create deep emotional and psychological wounds as well. Sexy has a terrible capacity to harm, beauty can only heal.
6. Avoid women’s magazines. Once upon a time, I was an absolute Cosmo devotee. I devoured Cosmo like it was food for my brain, which it was. Cosmo was my brain candy, requiring no thought and containing no substance, but making me feel good. Like candy, Cosmo, Glamour, Vogue, Elle, and any other trashy rag aimed at women cause cavities. They wear away what is good and replace it with painful holes that can be might expensive to fix. I, not unlike many other women, thought that these magazines were harmless. They show you pictures of celebrities, help you pick out a new flattering wardrobe, tell you which hair and make up products are the best, contain entertaining little tidbits, scandalous and "proven" sex tips for pleasing your man (i.e. not you), and for the naughty girl, there's even a little snippet of erotica to read. These things (save the erotica and weird sex tips) are not harmful necessarily, but are they edifying? Do they build you up or lead you closer to God? Do they make you more productive, or even happy? They're based on profit margins, doctored photos, and making you feel bad about yourself. There are better ways to amuse yourself, and better ways to spend time and money than on this trash.
7. Get to know God. I cannot recommend this highly enough. Let me repeat: I cannot recommend this highly enough. Since I found Christ and came back to the Church, my life has never been better. Literally, living my life has never been a more fulfilling, joyful experience than it has been since coming back to my faith. I have struggled, yes. It has been painful, it's true. Some things still hurt and annoy me, I'm not going to lie. My exterior life has changed drastically, but my interior life has changed so much more. God is my beginning and my end, my life, my hope and my happiness. Without Him, I don't even want to imagine where I would be right now, though I would guess that I would not look as good, feel as good, have my friends, have true peace, or know what contentment is. God has made my life complete, and I never want to be separate from Him. I love Him, and the words of St. Augustine ring true, "Fecisti nos ad te et inquietum est cor nostrum donec requiescat in te." You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you. My heart rests in God now, and it is my most profound hope that it will always do so. I hope that your hearts may also come to rest in the eternal God who will always love and provide for you.
So there you have it. I realize this has been an exceedingly long post, but as ever, I have a lot to say, and these things get me fired up. Please, if you know any woman who may want or need to read this, send it along. Everyone could benefit from this advice, including me. Ladies let's stop being our own worst enemies, and gents, please don't be afraid to help us. I leave you tonight as did the great Archbishop Fulton Sheen at the end of his talks: God love you.
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